Goddamn, she’s right…she is the bomb…

Ok, so where are we at today?

I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.  Not in a bad way, mind you, just getting ready go go back to Bloomington, and being mindful of just how behind I really am, you know?

I need to go work out, I need to bone up on the French, I need to reorganize the shit I never unpacked, because I don’t need it all.  I need to clean out my car, I need to clean up my life, all those types of things. 

And then there’s the birthday.  Goddamn.  27.  27 years old, and I feel like I have wasted so much time.  This was supposed to be the hero years for me, so to speak.  This is when I was supposed to be the period where I accomplished the most in life.  This is the time where I was supposed to live up to all the expectations that were set out before me.

When I was just a year old, I read aloud for the first time.  People have never let me forget it since.  When I was a little older, I was given an I.Q. test, (something I don’t actually believe in) and registered an I.Q. of 140-148, which is considered genius level.  I was doomed before I started.

Long story short, I believed the hype that was thrust upon me when I was young, and felt that because people already thought me a genius, I didn’t have to prove it by doing well in school.  All my life, I have let the arrogance of intelligence infect me by simply underachieving.  I fall alot because of this, but then it is also because of this that I usually land on my feet, something to be proud of, I’m sure.

I am a master of taking the low road, and as that is the result, I always do things the hard way.  To prove something, to prove what?  Am I trying to prove that I am good at taking punishment, most of which is self-inflicted?

You know how I get through all of this?  I don’t think about it, I just plough through it.  Oh well.

Believe me, this isn’t a pity party, just a self evaluation as I prepare to go back to take the low road again.

I’m still pretty though, so I have that going for me.  Haw.


2 responses

  1. Sounds like your gonna have a hard time turning 27!!  I think I did the same thing as far as analyzing my life and the things I wanted to “get cleaned up”.  There is nothing wrong with that.  I’m always making myself better by doing that.  Just start with one goal at a time and just do it right then!!!!  Maybe you should try the high road and attack all your fears….I believe you’ll be surprised at how much strength as man you have.   I may fail, but at least I know I give everything I have trying.  That’s all that matters.  Don’t ever find yourself later in life wishing you would’ve done things different because you didn’t try hard enough.  Be able to say that you did it…..instead of….I could’ve.  Everything you do now, will be a story to tell to your children, who it will all mean the most.

    August 5, 2004 at 7:01 pm

  2. Haha, it looks like They don’t like it when you wax kick-ass-tic about someone as dizz-ope as moi, huh?
    Things will be easier when people just learn to worship me. Then we can all get along.

    August 5, 2004 at 9:46 pm

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