3:21 in the afternoon, and another Saturday is drifting away…

Right now, I don’t really care to do a whole lot, so I am not really bothered by not doing anything during the day, I’m mostly a night person anyway, which is ok for the most part.

Andrea has been hanging out less and less these last few days.  She’s seeing this rather plain individual by the name of Travis.  Had a couple of conversations with him, and of course, I wasn’t impressed.  At least not nearly as impressed as she was, apparently.  Last tuesday, as the drinking night went, she spent the time at the Rail with him as opposed to me, but that wasn’t a big deal because I had Cam and his friend Rich in tow.  She didn’t go to O’Sullivan’s as usual, opting to sit and talk with him until it was time to go home.

I have found whether it be through time, or cicumstance, that I deal better with people who are jaded, unhappy, or simply unencumbered by other people.  I do this mainly because that means that they will be around when I summon them, which I know sounds selfish. 

I don’t keep many people at arm’s length, so when I lose them to other things…or people, I don’t take it well.  I begin to withdraw, sort of not care much.  When they do come around, I usually make myself unavailable, which is wrong.  Anyway…

I can’t blame Andrea for finding a relationship, in fact I think it is a relief.  To be honest, she was lonely to a fault.  I think she needs someone in her life, so if it is the case, then she’s certainly better off, and I can’t do anything but wish her well…

I think I might go out tonight.  As much as I hate being amongst the peasants and assholes, I just don’t want to sit in tonight.  I don’t really want to sit with the stoners, and other than that, I have nowhere else to go.  It sucks not to have anybody right there next to you.  Sure, I could get on the phone, but the people I’m most likely to reach aren’t even in town, much less the state.  It’s cool to do that sometimes, but not all the time.  It makes you feel even more empty, especially on days like this.  Even my best friends are M.I.A.

So it’s not that I’m lonely…it’s that I am virtually alone.  This is why I am going to suffer the nightclub, and why I’ll end up hating myself for it in the morning.

I wish it would rain.


One response

  1. I love being alone. I wish I could be alone more often.

    August 9, 2004 at 11:28 pm

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