For the record, last night was fun.  Andrea was at the Rail when I showed up, with that guy, no less.  Suprisingly, he left soon after I got there, and we just sat and talked all night.  She told me how she could never have a serious relationship with him because he was a bit dirty (read: Unclean).  It made me smile, because she was going to remain single, and that meant that we would continue to hang out without there being a sense of uncomfortability and all of that.

The night really made me smile, I mean I was laughing, joking and all of that shit, and to top it off, I woke up in a good mood, I was in a good place.

Which meant that at some point, the bottom had no choice but to fall out, while the other shoe dropped as well.

I got a call from Marie, the girl from Puerto Rico that I had been seeing over the winter, who was getting all serious on me until she decided that it would be better for her to go back to PR financially.  So she went, and I was sort of bothered by it, but she called all the time, and it didn’t matter.

So we hadn’t spoken in a couple of weeks…until today.  She calls and we talk, no big deal…

“The real reason I called is because I wanted to let you know that I just got engaged.”


You know, I see myself as someone chained to the floor while other people come over with a spear and poke the shit out of me.  I am beginning to get the joke, I really am.

None of this shit should matter to me, but it does, and today, I let some of the rage out.  I don’t curse out women, but today Marie got it and got it badly.  I feel bad for saying some of the things I said, but it needed to come out.

I have to leave soon because I threw my cellphone out of my window and onto the concrete by the pool, so it’s pretty much destroyed.

I’m going to do a lot of drinking at O’sullivan’s tonight, and I will probably get into a fight with someone, anyone.

I know this is childish, stupid, and whatever, but I am not giving a fuck.  I really am not.

I need to go chop down a tree or kick a child.


2 responses

  1. i dont get it. if it was “no big deal” that she moved to PR, and if you are single, and if you have been seeing other people, why the heck does it matter that she is moving on with someone else?
    I understand being pissed she didnt tell you she was dating, but it sounds like you two were only seeing each other… soooo, explain.. why are you upset?
    also? destructive behavior over a girl/boy does nothing but cause more destruction/drama in your life. and you dont need that. take some time out and let some steam off, but dont do anything you’ll regret. noone is worth screwing up your life over.

    August 10, 2004 at 9:41 pm

  2. dude, you got some confusing fucked up relationships. but i guess that’s how they all some extent. 
    engaged after six months, huh? hmm..
    it sounds like you’re having to deal with other people’s issues..umm, that’s not how I meant it but itd just sound weird if i tried to explain. be selfish and push your own life further.
    do you really get into fights?! so sheltered..but fighting is BAD. and painful.

    August 11, 2004 at 7:09 am

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