Ok, ok…enough with the love.  I’m spoiled by all the comments, because for once people did like I asked them to without bitching, moaning, and general debate.  I don’t expect to be that lucky again.


Anyway…I’m seeing a pattern here.  The less I bitch about myself, the better my posts are…sort of.  So I have something else for you.  Something that has been on my mind the last few days, but I figure I want to talk about it now…


The Lonely Grave of Culon The Gangbanger


I used to date a girl named Keshia.  This was sometime ago, and although I had feelings for ther then, it seems like a lifetime ago (she was pre-Joy).  The logistics of our relationship isn’t all that important, just your normal boyfriend girlfriend bullshit.  She was ghetto as hell, and of course, I was better off without her. 


Like I said, this isn’t at all about me.  Just setting up a point of reference that kind of ties into the last post…loosely.


Towards the end of our relationship, Keisha would disappear alot.  She would pick fights with me, all that type of thing.  She broke up with me, saying that I wasn’t “hood” enough, that I was simply too nice for her, she need a thug in her life or something along those lines…Like I said, I was better off without her.


Anyway, she ended up with this felon in training, a guy by the name of Culon (pronounced Coo-lawn, I am anal about name pronouncation, given that my name is Hashim.)  I knew of Culon through different circles, and I even had dealings with him from time to time, but there wasn’t enough to even call him a mild acquaintance.  From what I did know of him, I knew he was bad news.


Right around the time I started seeing Joy, I happened upon Keisha at a house party, and we talked.  Being that circles of friends usually collide, I already knew that she was seeing Culon, so when she told me in passing, I wasn’t moved…or even surprised.


As the years passed by, I ran into Keisha here and there, and she was still with Culon…sort of.  Being a degenerate criminal kept him in and out of Jail, and I swear, each time I saw her, she was pregnant with another one of his kids. 


No, this isn’t me gloating about her choosing the wrong guy over me.  It gets better (or worse) than that.


In May of last year, I was out barhopping with some of my friends.  We went to this hole in the wall called Jazmin’s.  As it usually is, a fight broke out, of which Culon and a couple other people I know were involved in.  The fight went outside, and it wasn’t long before people started shooting.  Culon was one of the people shot, but he didn’t die.


Culon ended up in a wheelchair, I know this because I ran into him at a barbecue when I got home this summer.  He was there with Keisha, who after years of abuse, pregnancies (3), and uninspired ghetto life looked terrible, at least by my standards.  The girl was a hollow shell of the person who I thought was hot as hell at the time.  It was the last time I saw either one of them to this point.


2 weeks ago, Culon and Keisha were at another barbecue, and the events of that night in May came home to roost.  Two men came uninvited to the party, found Culon, kicked over his wheelchair, and shot him 7 times, including two shots two the head and face, guaranteeing a closed casket funeral.


A couple of days ago, I was talking to my friend Cam, shootin the shit like we always do.  We talked about what happened to Culon, both agreeing that kicking a man out of his wheelchair and shooting him was pretty cold, but then that was the reward for a life like his.  Then he told me something that both enraged me and chilled my blood at the same time.


“Man, you know there isn’t going to be a funeral.”


When I asked him why, he told me that he spoke to Keisha and she told him that whoever shot Culon called his mother and told her that if there was a public funeral, everyone who attended would be shot at…including the coffin.  Out of fear, the family had to bury him without any sort of memorial service, and his grave is currently unmarked, at least for the next couple of months or so, in order to avoid vandalism or, yes, even graverobbing.


This is why I could never have lived that life, and the thing that made Keisha leave me all those years ago is exactly what leaves me whole now.


I don’t shed any tears for Culon, and neither should any of you.  The truth is he was a thief and a murderer.  What happened to him was a long time coming, no one will dispute that.  I feel sorry for those who had to deal with him, who felt they loved him or something.


I hate that they couldn’t have a funeral, because more heartless sons of bitches were willing to kill more innocent people just to make a silly ass point.


It’s the life you choose that kills you, the life I walked away from.


I continue to walk away, and I am all the better for it.  It’s the Keishas of the world who want to sleep with danger because it exites them, and for all that, they only ever wake up in blood. 


I pity that.  That’s all any of us can ever do.


 

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15 responses

  1. WOW what an amazing story.  I know it’s moments like that, you have to feel good for choosing to NOT be that way.  Sometimes it’s so odd that us women are attracted to danger.
    I’ve gone through my share of not so great choices in my life as far as men go, but I also have some girlfriends from childhood that are still “stuck” with the drama and the man that caused it all.
    I guess when we are young, danger is exciting, then we one day wake up with kids and a commitment to someone that we realize isn’t exciting it’s dangerous, painful and destroying.
    I’m not sure where I’m going with this thought, all I know is sometimes maybe as you are right now, I refect back on my past and just am so grateful, I chose to grow up and take a different route.  And certain moments in life just make me thankful that I did.
    happy wednesday.

    August 18, 2004 at 3:14 pm

  2. Hi.  I came to your site via Shapely Patella’s.  I was reading back a few blogs.  I find your blog easy to read and interesting.  If your profile pic is of you, you’re a very handsome young man.  You remind me of my nephew.  He is several years younger than you.  
    Your last blog showed a picture of a guy and girl walking hand in hand.   My first thought was ” how can she (or any woman) walk around in public with her ass hanging out.  I am not a prude, but gheeesh!  I did however understand what your point was.  We all have different likes and dis-likes and we shouldn’t judge (or should we).
    Anyway, just thought I would drop a line in on ya.  Have a wonderful day…………lora

    August 18, 2004 at 5:05 pm

  3. oh my god.. but you can’t help but feel some sort of pity for him can you? .. that’s all so far removed from my life that i cant imagine what it must be like.
    oh and btw.. how is it that you have an Arabic name..?

    August 19, 2004 at 3:47 am

  4. actually..yeh, are you religious at all?
    and that post..sad. scary. stupid and angering. it’s easy to pretend it doesn’t really exist. because it’s not like much can be done about it..right? anyway, it must have been a hard decision to walk away from that..but you sound individualistic.
    though i don’t know if it’s always a *choice* per se..

    August 19, 2004 at 7:34 am

  5. Ouch.  I’ve been pretty close to that type of life and seen how not worth it it is, hundreds of times over. 

    August 19, 2004 at 12:01 pm

  6. Thanks, sugar…I’ll be doing the same…

    August 19, 2004 at 12:52 pm

  7. Your posts always make me think.  But by the time I get around to leaving a comment, I lose my train of thought, come up with nothing interesting to say, and still feel the need to comment anyway.  I guess all I can really say is it’s nice to see someone be so honest.

    August 19, 2004 at 2:51 pm

  8. I remember the night you were at the bar, because I talked to you after you got home. Weird.
    Yes, chickens come home to roost, and that is what happened indeed. It’s a shame they couldn’t have had a funeral, like you said, a lot of chickenshit bravado to make a point that has no point.
    Ass Flute (I can’t comment and not insult you).

    August 19, 2004 at 3:04 pm

  9. Thanks for stopping by and yes I see your point

    August 19, 2004 at 4:26 pm

  10. Damn… that’s sad
    Like you said though… better off without her
    And thank you for the sub.. back atcha.

    August 19, 2004 at 4:29 pm

  11. Anonymous

    Okay that was a pretty interesting story and sad as hell.
    I am sure Keisha must think about what her life would have been like if she would have chosen another route. Pitying her is not necessarily in order like you said, but I wonder what HER life was like. I mean, you mentioned her being ghetto and all, if she was soo ghetto, maybe in her childhood that is all she was used to. You know how they say that men usually end up marrying women like their mothers, well maybe she wanted to be with someone of Culon’s nature because that is what she was accustomed to.
    I do pity her because at that stage in her life, or maybe forever, she couldn’t appreciate a good stable guy such as yourself.
    Sometimes we learn about life the hard way, maybe she has learned something now. It is soo unfortunate that it had to come across this way.

    August 19, 2004 at 4:36 pm

  12. Anonymous

    Hi, I came to your site through girldisrupted, and hafta say that you deserve every eprop that you got.I don’t know your life, or what it’s like, but I know that I’ve known the same breed of people who thrive on danger and lead miserable lives as a result.Things like that make us look back and realise we made the right choice…

    August 19, 2004 at 5:46 pm

  13. That’s an amazing story.  Stories like yours and sometimes even less tragic always remind me how important it is to not settle into a pattern of what came before me.   It’s easy to just follow what comes before you or what is around, ok.. i am rambling again. It’s a rambling sorta day…
    Thanks for the post! 

    August 19, 2004 at 7:49 pm

  14. Anonymous

    It’s sad that a girl can lose herself like that over a guy, that people think that being a thug is glamourous, that a life can be wasted so easily. I want to feel sorry for Culon, but I can’t. How can I feel sorry for someone who chose a life that he knew would end like that?

    August 19, 2004 at 10:41 pm

  15. KEEP UP THE WRITING!!!!  That kind of reminds me of the movie “Never die alone”.  He had all them girls messed up bad.   

    August 20, 2004 at 5:48 pm

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