I haven’t been there for you, I know…


My life is a ball of constant change, things are dying and being born at the same time, and I am a part of it all.  Have you ever cried because of happiness?  I do want to talk to you all, I want you all to see my life for what it is these days…But honestly, where do I begin?  Where does it all start?  Is happiness always 500 miles away?


So….I did the same thing, that’s what I wanted to tell you…


Some guy who once claimed that he was either the Eggman or the Walrus once said, “Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see.
It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out…It doesn’t matter much to me.”  Now dig on that for some Wednesday morning weight.  It does all work out, especially for someone who has been in pain for so long…someone like me.


I have moved through life from time to time with my eyes closed, bumping into this person and that person…speed bumps on the road of life, nothing that is ever worth caring about.  Have any of you ever heard of a Strange and Wonderful coincidence?  You will…


For the record, I am a lover.  A lover of women.  Many of the greatest things I have done in my life have been because a woman was at the other end of that particular rainbow.  It was because of a woman that I even joined Xanga…but even with that truth, it has never been right, not like I would have wanted.


My life has been caluclated up to a point.  I see things coming because I go out of my way to shape and mold the outcome even before it happens.  I make the rules, because I have to. However, finally, I see that vicious cycle coming to an end. Maybe it is I who isn’t so cynical anymore…


Let me tell you something about Detroit (a soulful lil’ town in Michigan, for those of you who are not stateside).  Detroit has put out some amazing things…Basketball (which they STOLE from my hometown of Fort Wayne, Indiana), Automobiles, Hockey (some call it Hockeytown USA, just follow the trail of dead squids)…oh yeah…the sweet soul sounds of Motown.


Why do I mention Motown?  Because they produced some insanely kick ass music over the years.  More specifically, they produced the Supremes.  Now the Supremes sang a song, that shows how one Detroit citizen changed a BeautifulLoser into something else completely…


  You’ve given me a true love
     and every day I thank you love
     For a feeling that’s so new
     So inviting, so exciting

     Whenever you’re near
     I hear a symphony
     A tender melody
     Pulling me closer
     Closer to your arms

     Then suddenly, I hear a symphony
     Ooh, your lips are touching mine
     A feeling so divine
     ‘Till I leave the past behind
     I’m lost in a world
     Made for you and me

     Whenever you’re near
     I hear a symphony
     Play sweet and tenderly
     Every time your lips meet mine now baby

     Baby, baby
     You bring much joy within
     Don’t let this feeling end
     Let it go on and on and on
     Now baby, baby
     Those tears that seem my eyes
     I cry not for myself
     But for those who never felt the joy we felt

     Whenever you’re near
     I hear a symphony
     Each time you speak to me
     I hear a tender rap so dy of love now

     Baby, baby
     As you stand holding me
     Whispering how much you care
     A thousand violins fill the air

     Now baby, baby
     Don’t let this moment end
     Keep standing close to me
     Ooh, so close to me, baby, baby
     Baby, baby
     I hear a symphony
     A tender melody
  


Although not completely how I feel, but pretty damn close.  Close enough to be real, no matter how much it scares the hell out of me.  Ha.


So I gotta run, there’s a life waiting for me beyond these constrictive walls, but as long as I know you are there…I’ll always come back.


The fratboy fell for a Barprah, and the rest was a story to be told another time…What a long, strange trip it’ll be…

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4 responses

  1. What’s a barprah? Glad to see you back around. Life is full of change, just stay ahead of the current.

    September 15, 2004 at 1:47 pm

  2. I can’t wait to hear your story.

    September 15, 2004 at 4:32 pm

  3. Welcome back to the wonderful world of Xanga…your inspirational discourse has, I’m sure had many people wondering about your whereabouts…So, ‘what’s your take on all of this?’ (READ: Check the box…yes?  or no?)  I have cried because of happiness, but I have also cried because I was so tormented about something and it made me come to a huge realization.  I don’t know which is more frightening…being scared or the fact that I’m not…by the way, I hear that Detroit is beautiful in the summertime…I guess I should know, huh?
    Merci, mon petit chou…
    ~Cee~

    September 15, 2004 at 7:04 pm

  4. Ha. I know where you’ve been.
    That was some hot-ass chick who brought you to Xanga, right?

    September 15, 2004 at 8:18 pm

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