Well…after writing part of my introduction, I fuckered up things a bit, so I have to start over from scratch, but it’s ok…the world as I know it will continue to spin on its axis, but it might skip a beat from moment to moment…
In reading some of the pages today, I saw a full spectrum of emotion when it came to the issue of love. Some good, some bad, but always…it was love. So, let’s spend some time today just looking at what it means to say…”I Love You”
“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”
What’s it all about, Alfie? I mean honestly? How can three simple words be so beautiful, yet so destructive? I only ask this because while someone in Detroit can feel the positive affects of those words, at the same time, someone in say Minnesota or California are suffering from the aftereffects of those words, having the promise behind them broken and abused.
Do people tell others that they love them out of context? When’s the last time you said it, did you mean it? It’s one thing to tell your children or your parents that you love them because the difference is that is a conditioned, yet unconditional love…there is no give and take there, nor should there be. But what about the guy you met last year who makes you feel like you’re singing inside or the girl who makes you feel like you are vital again? Do you tell them what you feel or how you feel it? Is being in love safe anymore?
Let’s pretend we have a guy and a girl, average people, really, nothing of any consequence. They meet, they see something inside of each other that the other one needs.
The girl is pile of human scar tissue, mistreated by every man she has ever known, low self esteem….or maybe just overly jaded to the whole thing.
The guy is…well…he is a piece of lothario shit, but he’s trying. He wants to change, and maybe its because he has so many sins on his concience…or maybe he is a regular guy who has never had a regular girl.
What does saying “I love you” mean to their relationship. How long should they wait? Ah….so…The Average of Perception rears its ugly head again…just in a much different way.
Let’s talk about the concept of Love at First Sight. Do you believe in it? Are such things possible? The Average of Perception would completely say no. Never happen. Why? How long must you wait to find out if it is ok to be in love? Is it because you are damaged inside and you never want to hear that again, because if you do, it will remind you of all the horrors endured in relationships where the other person said it and never in a million years meant it?
What if you just are? Is that wrong? Should you go out of your way to shield yourself even though you may be hurting someone who actually loves you, so much so that they have no choice to tell you? Jesus, do these people actually exist?
Someone once told me that there was safety in cynicism. It would break my heart to believe that. I have loved, I have lost…and you know what? I have loved again. I have loved because I believe that not everyone is the same and that if you love someone and it isn’t based on simple sexual lust…then you should tell them how you feel. But it isn’t that easy…because the simple fact is…lust exists, and for years, people have mistaken lust for love, and they don’t know any damn better.
Love gives a beating…love takes a beating.
To many of you, love is a four letter word that’s worse than fuck. Some of you claim to never have experienced love, and the rest of you are hopeless romantics with the emphasis on hopeless. For some of you, the idea of love, the promise of love unfulfilled has only left you violated and fostered hate in your heart. To that, I can only say that I am sorry. I have been there, and if it weren’t for the concept of hope, I would have abandoned the very idea of love.
So why do I care? Why is it so important to say, “I love you”? It’s important because people give up way too easily and they don’t try to love enough. One bad apple fucks it up for us all. Like Quiz Kid Donnie Smith said, “I really do have love to give; I just don’t know where to put it.” There are more people like that then you would care to know…Where do we put our love? To kill it would be obscene, and to deny its existance is even worse.
I know that life forces you not to care, but you have to. You have to care now more than you have ever cared, and if I am wrong, and you do care, then you can’t stop because some piece of shit in your life has made it easy for you to stop caring. I never stopped, and I am still alive. When you read this, none of it may make sense, but when you stop to think about it…it makes perfect sense.
You say “I love you”…BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE LOVED YOURSELVES.
I don’t know where I am going with this, but then that’s the great thing about dealing with love…you don’t know where it will lead you. I promise you, people do have happy endings, not all the time, and not like what the fairy tales con you into believing (or disbelieving). If you don’t believe, then who will?
I love you…and I can say that without fear or trepidation.
Who’s with me?