Well…after writing part of my introduction, I fuckered up things a bit, so I have to start over from scratch, but it’s ok…the world as I know it will continue to spin on its axis, but it might skip a beat from moment to moment…

In reading some of the pages today, I saw a full spectrum of emotion when it came to the issue of love.  Some good, some bad, but always…it was love.  So, let’s spend some time today just looking at what it means to say…”I Love You”

“I love that you get cold when it’s 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when you’re looking at me like I’m nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it’s not because I’m lonely, and it’s not because it’s New Year’s Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

What’s it all about, Alfie?  I mean honestly?  How can three simple words be so beautiful, yet so destructive?  I only ask this because while someone in Detroit can feel the positive affects of those words, at the same time, someone in say Minnesota or California are suffering from the aftereffects of those words, having the promise behind them broken and abused.

Do people tell others that they love them out of context?  When’s the last time you said it, did you mean it?  It’s one thing to tell your children or your parents that you love them because the difference is that is a conditioned, yet unconditional love…there is no give and take there, nor should there be.  But what about the guy you met last year who makes you feel like you’re singing inside or the girl who makes you feel like you are vital again?  Do you tell them what you feel or how you feel it?  Is being in love safe anymore?

Let’s pretend we have a guy and a girl, average people, really, nothing of any consequence.  They meet, they see something inside of each other that the other one needs. 

Now pause…

The girl is pile of human scar tissue, mistreated by every man she has ever known, low self esteem….or maybe just overly jaded to the whole thing.

The guy is…well…he is a piece of lothario shit, but he’s trying.  He wants to change, and maybe its because he has so many sins on his concience…or maybe he is a regular guy who has never had a regular girl.

What does saying “I love you” mean to their relationship.  How long should they wait?  Ah….so…The Average of Perception rears its ugly head again…just in a much different way.

Let’s talk about the concept of Love at First Sight.  Do you believe in it?  Are such things possible?  The Average of Perception would completely say no.  Never happen.  Why?  How long must you wait to find out if it is ok to be in love?  Is it because you are damaged inside and you never want to hear that again, because if you do, it will remind you of all the horrors endured in relationships where the other person said it and never in a million years meant it?

What if you just are?  Is that wrong?  Should you go out of your way to shield yourself even though you may be hurting someone who actually loves you, so much so that they have no choice to tell you?  Jesus, do these people actually exist?

Someone once told me that there was safety in cynicism.  It would break my heart to believe that.  I have loved, I have lost…and you know what?  I have loved again.  I have loved because I believe that not everyone is the same and that if you love someone and it isn’t based on simple sexual lust…then you should tell them how you feel.  But it isn’t that easy…because the simple fact is…lust exists, and for years, people have mistaken lust for love, and they don’t know any damn better.

Love gives a beating…love takes a beating.

To many of you, love is a four letter word that’s worse than fuck.  Some of you claim to never have experienced love, and the rest of you are hopeless romantics with the emphasis on hopeless.  For some of you, the idea of love, the promise of love unfulfilled has only left you violated and fostered hate in your heart.  To that, I can only say that I am sorry.  I have been there, and if it weren’t for the concept of hope, I would have abandoned the very idea of love.

So why do I care?  Why is it so important to say, “I love you”?  It’s important because people give up way too easily and they don’t try to love enough.  One bad apple fucks it up for us all.  Like Quiz Kid Donnie Smith said, “I really do have love to give; I just don’t know where to put it.”  There are more people like that then you would care to know…Where do we put our love?  To kill it would be obscene, and to deny its existance is even worse.

I know that life forces you not to care, but you have to.  You have to care now more than you have ever cared, and if I am wrong, and you do care, then you can’t stop because some piece of shit in your life has made it easy for you to stop caring.  I never stopped, and I am still alive.  When you read this, none of it may make sense, but when you stop to think about it…it makes perfect sense. 

You say “I love you”…BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE LOVED YOURSELVES. 

I don’t know where I am going with this, but then that’s the great thing about dealing with love…you don’t know where it will lead you.  I promise you, people do have happy endings, not all the time, and not like what the fairy tales con you into believing (or disbelieving).  If you don’t believe, then who will?

I love you…and I can say that without fear or trepidation.

Who’s with me?

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12 responses

  1. you have to stop doing that! i dont want to think so much so early in the morning! i dont think i could possibly respond to this in a comment box.. i think my next entry will be a direct response to this. you are inspiring.
    and yeah.. it was the david gray album. for the longest time i couldnt listen to it cause the CD belonged to my ex.. we still havent returned our stuff to each other and now it’s been over a year and i guess it’s just pointless to bother.. so basically.. i had to reclaim the songs for my own after we broke up cause i couldn’t listen to them without thinking about him and the LAST thing i wanted to think about was him. (but i’m glad i was able to reclaim it.. the songs on it are pure gold)

    September 22, 2004 at 4:07 am

  2. gosh you’re good with those movie quotes.i had a bad “i love you” first experience— i thought i waited until i was old/mature enough but i learned the hard way that wasn’t enough… and it’s been kinda sketchy since, but anywhoot i’m all about the *hope* that i’ll be able to say it again and mean it with all my heart.

    September 22, 2004 at 4:37 am

  3. I LOVE alot of people just to different degrees. I must admit that sometimes I say I love someone when really I love something within them or about them, but not technically them a whole perse. Love at first site is true and real. I met my husband, spent 5 straight days and nights with him, knew we would spend the rest of our lives together and didn’t see eachother for the next 11 months. But we met in the middle, worked out the creases and we have been together for the past 12 years. It’s unconditional…

    September 22, 2004 at 9:01 am

  4. I have been loved and since I didn’t know what real love was… I walked away from it. I knew angry and aggression better. It was more familiar and easier for me to understand. Once I gave in to love, I was lied to and abused. Now…. I only exist to love my son. He is the most purest form of love i have ever known. No lies, no bullshit. ~peace~

    September 22, 2004 at 9:15 am

  5. I have been burned, I’ve been bitter.  I’ve had many ex’s hurt me to the point I thought I’d be better off dead.  But I’ve tried my best to heal, and I think you’ve said it best when you basically said what we need is hope.  Without hope you will never find that love you seek.  You have to let go of your pain and be willing to risk it all again.  That is very hard for some people (people like me).  It took me almost 2 years to realize someone that truely and honestly loved me was right in front of me, because his love felt foreign, it was kind love, honest love, something a girl like me was very unfamiliar with.
    I wish everyone that is burned or hurt, understands that it was not their fault, it was just that they fell in love with someone who was wrong for them, it in no way makes them a wrong person to love.

    September 22, 2004 at 10:30 am

  6. When you begin to lose hope, that is when you begin to slide face first down that spiral.  Sometimes hope comes from the most unexpected places, but the mysterious qualities of hope and love are those that make it so amazing.  So, so amazing…

    September 22, 2004 at 10:46 am

  7. Anonymous

    If you don’t believe in love, then do you really have any hope of finding it? Saying those three words defines how serious a relationship is, what sort of relationship it is, etc. It can also replace “I’m sorry” in some instances. To say that too many people use “I love you” without knowing what it really means is stupid – do any of us really know what it means? I think that everyone knows what love is, but not everyone finds the kind of love that they’ve built it all up to be in their minds.I love my boyfriend because he’s sweet, he takes care of me and cooks me dinner, because of the way he looks at me, because he makes me smile and laugh, and for a hundred other little things that I can’t think of off the top of my head. I love him because it feels good to be with him, in every sense. And I love him because I know that no matter what happens, he’ll be there for me and take care of me, as I will do for him. That’s what love is to me, that and the little jumpy-heart things I get when he kisses me – or is that a passion/lust thing? I don’t know.

    September 22, 2004 at 11:01 am

  8. Anonymous

    Love is like pain.
    Everyone has felt different levels of it and no one can truly understand the depth of someone elses.
    You think you have loved someone more than you have ever loved before.  Until the next time and the intensity is different and you learn a new level.
    Never ends and we can all relate in our own experiences but never grasp the gut-wrenching feeling inside another person.

    September 22, 2004 at 12:18 pm

  9. Anonymous

    Sometimes (I am sure you have heard this plenty before) I can’t comment to you because you are soo deep. So much of what you said makes soo much sense.
    Basically I will say this. We all want love, we are creatures that may die internally without it. The definiton of love to me is one of the things you described above. If I can think about a man so lovingly that he is the last person I want to talk to before I lay my head down at night, I love the way he laughs, his smile brings joy in me. I love the way he walks, talks, the smallest things about him get to me. That is love.
    When I see that in a man, then I am head over heels. It’s sooo rare for me though. When it happens, I am deathly afraid that I will lose this person to never find that type of love again. Then the worse happens, I DO end up losing him. Maybe its a self-fulfilled prophecy, that seems to be my special word this week.

    September 22, 2004 at 12:28 pm

  10. I want a man to feel for me as Harry did when he told Sally that line above.  That is LOVE.  Love me in all my imperfectly perfect splendor.  And I will love you the same way.
    I love my children unconditionally and their love, it’s the simplest of all, without expectations.
    If only love between a couple could be the same way, but that’s in a perfect world.  We do have expectations don’t we? 
    And what is love at first sight?  I mean, you lock eyes, you feel an intense desire for this person but isn’t that just lust?  I don’t know.  I thought I fell in love at first sight but now I wonder (after it’s over) if it was just lust.  So many questions, not enough answers.  Great entry by the way.

    September 22, 2004 at 3:28 pm

  11. I think that it depends on who you are saying it too and how you know they will take it. I tell my friends that I love them every time we say good bye. When it comes to a man I’m dating, I wait till I feel comfortable around him, if he over reacts then he is too uptight for me. *shrugs* God will take care of me & I trust him to send the right guy my way. It may be a long wait but I have faith.

    September 22, 2004 at 5:08 pm

  12. A!men!

    September 22, 2004 at 11:12 pm

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