Closin’ up shop here in the library.  Another graveyard shift nearly in the books, and I couldn’t be happier, because frankly, Daddy is tired…but then when aren’t I?  You know, you could ask some people, and they would tell you that this old bastard can pass out at the drop of a dime…in a field, in a bar, against the wall of a theatre, on the front stoop of a dorm, but all those are stories for another day…


You know, I have been spending the last few columns talking about love and all the joys, pains, and gray areas within, I figured I would switch it up a bit, and look at love’s evil twin…lust.


Excuse me for being rude, and I’m not tryin to make a pass, but you must be leavin’ the country if you’re packin’ that much ass…


If I can say anything about being in a college situation, is that this place is a veritable smorgasbord of tits and ass.  Chauvinistically speaking, I can’t even begin to see how relationships last in a place like this.  But they do.


For me, I’m not a player in the game here, more like a spectator.  By average standards, I am old hat, last year’s model, so to speak, so I don’t really concern myself with things of that nature, but like all old men, I just like to look, which saves me the indignation some of these poor kids have to suffer as they drown in this huge dating pool.


Being who I am, I talk to alot of people, and when I do that, as always, I hear some interesting things, and some sad things as well…


Take Anne for example.  Anne is your average, slightly naieve, college girl of 19.  She’s a decent looking kid, and would be considered quite a catch, depending on who you ask.  Anne, like many girls her age has some really fucked up ideas on love, dating, and the like.  To be blunt, Anne is a bit of a whore, simply because she doesn’t know any better. 


One night, not to long ago, Anne and I were outside of our dorm, talking.  I had just come home from a sober driver shift at my frat, and she had just come home from some party, chasing after guys, I suppose.  She told me about how shitty her night was, mainly because the guy she went to the party with fucked some other girl, while Anne sat out on the porch waiting for him.  When she came in, and was told where he was, she burst in to tell him how much of a bastard he was for doing that to her, and all he could do was…get this…invite her into bed to join them for a threesome. 


Wow.  I mean, what can you say?


Of course, she declined, running out in tears.  She lamented at length about how she thought he was going to be the guy for her, how all the signs pointed to it when in reality they really didn’t, but it didn’t matter.  So, of course, I asked her how was it that she knew that he was the one for her, and her reply was…


“Because he was so hot…”  Lust is a motherfucker…


Then there’s Joe, once again, your average college kid of 20.  I knew Joe from the school year previous, when he hung out with me and my old suitemate.  Joe was quite the skirt chaser, attempting to fuck anything that walked, hell, he reminded me of me in what seems like a lifetime ago.  Last year, Joe caught the hots for a girl named Allie, who was in reality a psycho bi-polar piece of work with a nice set of tits.  The girl had problems, but, as Joe liked to put it…she had a tremendous snatch.  Quaint, I know.


Anyway, I caught up with Joe this semester, and we had a cigarette out on the stoop in front of my dorm.  Joe looked awful depressed…


“Man, Allie’s pregnant.  I’m fucked.”  Well, of course you are, Joe.


Apparently, Allie lied to him about being on birth control, even though he never saw any around her place.  Joe fell sucker to lust, and because lust in this case was tied to a crazy, malicious bitch…Joe had to pay.


There isn’t a point to the tales of Anne and Joe, but they definitely serve as the flipside of the coin that lust resides on.  I know people are most likely to learn by mistake, but damn…


See what an innocent, yet not so innocent piece of ass gets you?

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4 responses

  1. If you really have a gut instinct that things are ‘right’, is the innocence felt still some state of naivity?  Hell, what difference does it make anyway?  It does, and a lot of it.  You cannot love a bitch with too much Prada…drop her ass like a heavy box. *muah*

    September 30, 2004 at 10:17 am

  2. I think both of them have allot of “growing up” to do and unfornately by their stupid mistakes they’ll have to learn the hard way (and don’t think I didn’t have to learn the same way at times).  I hope your friend will be a father to his child and be wiser for his sake.  I try to give my brother as much knowledge as I can about the female’s since he is in high school, and hopefull he is listening.

    September 30, 2004 at 10:59 am

  3. Ahhh to be young, dumb and fulla ***. Yeah those were the good ole days when we didn’t know any better.

    September 30, 2004 at 11:04 am

  4. Congratulations Annie and Joe – you’re both FUCKING RETARDS!

    September 30, 2004 at 7:29 pm

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