Good morning…

I’m just sitting here in my office doing a whole lot of nothing.  My mind is going a thousand miles a minute, and yet it feels like I am standing still as the world moves by me just as fast.

I have every reason in the world to be happy.  Why aren’t I completely?

Money issues are obviously a weighing issue.  I’m pretty far in the hole, with no tangible help in sight.  I’m not doing as well in class as I should be…issues of laziness creep in.  As tired as I am perpetually, sometimes I don’t feel like I deserve sleep because I haven’t done everything I need to do. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the return of the Blues…

My heart, mind, and soul are careening on a vicious rollercoaster, going blindly down the track with no brake to buffer what’s going on.  The seconds tick until I hit the wall, but that never happens, I just keep goin…

I wish I could lay in bed and talk about Edgar Allen Poe, Peter Parker, and Quinine.

I wish I could play poker and never lose.

I wish everyone was as calm as I can be, even when they aren’t happy.

I wish the wind was strong enough to hold me up when I was weak.

It’s just a mood, folks.  I live and breathe, quite passionately, I might add, so these things happen from time to time.  I grow unsatisfied with my worldview, I feel constrained by the looks I get from others who just try to understand.

I wonder what true freedom feels like.


10 responses

  1. Anonymous

    “I wish the wind was strong enough to hold me up when I was weak.”
    That was beautiful.  Just beautiful.

    November 16, 2004 at 9:58 am

  2. Cheer up, punk butt…things aren’t so bad.  No one knows what absolute freedom feels like, we’re all enslaved by the demands of one thing or another.  I’ve decided not to go *poof*, so, I suppose there’s a girl in Detroit still pining away…

    November 16, 2004 at 10:00 am

  3. hey.. i know what you mean. im passionate about everything.. and my down moments can be REALLY down.
    you just have to remember that it could be worse, and it WILL get better. so just wait out that rollercoaster, and maybe.. put your hands in the air and enjoy it

    November 16, 2004 at 10:33 am

  4. Anonymous

    Da Blues. Been there.
    Just enjoy every sandwhich and find yourself a French Inhaler.

    November 16, 2004 at 11:01 am

  5. A friend of mine lived in England for 2 years.  He tells me that they have “duvet days” there, an unspoken national phenomenon that fills the very real need of everyday people to just lay in bed and…well, talk about Peter Parker, Edgar Allen Poe, that sort of thing.  It does wonders for one’s sanity.  We call it “playing hooky”, which I am doing from my office job today, and let me tell you: I couldn’t be happier.  Call in sick.  It won’t help your money woes, but it’ll make them feel less worrisome.  From one broke bastard to another: I hear ya, man.  When’s gonna be our time?
    New subscriber, by the way, and I dig the site.  Persevere.

    November 16, 2004 at 11:19 am

  6. this tugged at my heartstrings.. more than you could imagine.
    breathe darlin.

    November 16, 2004 at 11:35 am

  7. Hmmm, I wonder, is anyone truly free, and if so…do they FEEL truly free?  I carry the weight of so many dead issues on my shoulders that I will forever be burdened, and I just can’t seem to get rid of them all.  You however…you have so much in front of you, and I am sorry that its stressing you out, just keep your head up you beautiful man, but you have so much potential, so many things to look forward to.  Things must get better…if not soon then eventually.  I suck at advice right now because I am sitting here, in the place known as ROCK BOTTOM.  And I don’t see you anywhere around…so you must not be too bad off. 

    November 16, 2004 at 11:39 am

  8. Your happiness will be found.

    November 16, 2004 at 11:50 am


    November 16, 2004 at 6:57 pm

  10. Anonymous

    I honestly think that we can never be truly happy, even when we have everything we want, or truly free. All we can do is strive to be as happy and free as we possibly can. The blues will never go away, except for those rare moments when everything seems perfect, which you know only happens during nights of extreme inebriation. Or luck, if such a thing exists.

    November 17, 2004 at 12:39 am

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